Thanksgiven (sic)

On Thanksgiven, remember the Native Americans.

Don’t eat too much canned cranberry, with that sweet, gelatinous solidity, or too many pearl onions.

Keep your degenerate hands off your first cousin, and don’t fight with your stepfather.

Be nice to granny, and help her cut her ham.

Don’t laugh at your uncle Ted when his upper plate slips out when he bites down on a leg.

Brush Aunt Marietta’s hand off your thigh when she gets drunk on the house red.

If you are asked to say grace, be nice, and don’t make jokes.

If the “men” want to play football after dinner, tell them you have a bad knee.
If the ladies ask you to help clean up in the kitchen, tell them about your knee, then sit at the kitchen table to dry dishes. Drink.